Random Days of the Marauders
by This.Is.SCRUMPTIOUS
Summary: Just as the title says. Just some random, fun days that the Marauders had in their teen years.
1. Sirius Jr

James was in a very sour mood

James was in a very sour mood. Once again, he had been rejected by the red-headed beauty of his dreams. He was resting his head in an angry fashion on top of his arms and his brows were glued together. The little mouse that runs inside your head was sprinting inside of James's noggin. He didn't understand what was wrong with him. He had devastating good looks, brains, muscles, and a big-

"What are you doing, James?" someone said from the doorway of the boy's dorms.

"What do you mean, Moony?" James asked innocently, trying his best to look like an innocent little kid. Unfortunately for him, Remus wasn't buying it.

"You were looking as if you were agreeing with yourself," Moony explained as he walked over to his bed on the right side of James's and pulled a book out of his chest.

"Another book?" James complained, looking at his friend in a most disgusted way. "You have more books in your trunk than the library!"

"That's not even possible, James." Moony pointed out. At that second, the door burst open, and the third member of the marauder's entered the room. Sirius Black was looking as excited as a little puppy as he skipped over to where his friends were sitting. He was holding something hidden in his hand.

"Guess what I found!" Sirius sang.

"Your brain?" Remus guessed, not even looking away from his book. James smirked.

"NOOOOO!" Sirius yelled, glaring at him. "Do you remember that date I went on with that one girl?"

"Oh, that one girl!" James said, thrilled. "The one with the-"

"Yes!" Sirius interrupted excitedly, nodding his head eagerly.

"Honestly, I don't know how you two do it," Remus mumbled, rolling his eyes.

"Well, you see," James began, playing with the button on his shirt. "When two people love each other, they start to develop feelings, feelings that make them-"

"NOT what I meant, James! I mean, how do you know what the other is talking about?" Remus elaborated. He shut his book and put it down next to him. "I thought only girls did that."

"Me and James DID have a sex change," Sirius said thoughtfully, as if he remembered it like it were yesterday.

"Yep! Get one sex change, get another 75 off!" James added.

"I'm leaving," Remus informed with his eyes closed. He got up and began walking to the door.

"Oh, come on Moony!" James laughed. "We were only kidding!"

"We were?" Sirius asked seriously. James put his finger to his lip, motioning him to be quiet.

"You two are morons," Remus sighed and sat down in his previous spot. "Anyways, Sirius, what was this big news you had that made you retarded?"

"As I was saying before, that date I went on with...Susie or something," Sirius began.

"Her name was Bianca," Remus corrected.

"Does it matter?" James asked. Remus rolled his eyes and continued listening.

"Well, remember how I found that caterpillar, Sirius Jr., and she KILLED it?" Sirius continued. James nodded eagerly, but Remus nodded his head painfully.

"And remember when I TRIED to give it CPR and she brushed it into the forest?" Sirius asked, excitement building up. Once he saw them nod, he continued. "WELL….dramatic pause…I FOUND HIM!" James jumped up in joy as Moony rubbed his head.

"It was dead, Sirius, and lost in a forest. There is no way that you could've found it and found it alive, at that," Remus said, crushing all of Sirius's dreams.

"Look at it! It's long, and it's red!" Sirius cried out as he held it to Moony. Remus didn't pick it up, but merely examined it.

"That's not the same one," he concluded. Sirius glared at him. When he asked, 'How would you know?' Moony replied with: "Because that one is poisonous. If your first one was poisonous, you would have red boils all over your face, like you do now. Sirius, were you CUDDLING the caterpillar?"

"...maybe..."

"Come on, Pads, let me take you to the hospital wing." James offered, smirking all the while.

"Just let me put Sirius Jr. down on the table," Sirius sighed, and set the caterpillar gently on the end table of James's bed. "Now Moony, don't allow ANYONE to touch my little angel." Remus answered by rolling his eyes.

"I don't think anyone is as stupid as you are."

Sirius walked with his friend down the stairs. When they reached the common room, James was dismayed to see Lily reading a book in the arm chair by the fireplace. He glared at her as he walked to the portrait hole and tripped over a pillow.

"Who put that pillow there?!" James demanded, jumping up in the air and pointing his finger at everyone in the room.

"You did, Potter," Lily said, still looking at her book. "And stop staring at me. It's creepy." James blushed and ran away as fast as he could

"MAN she's good!" Sirius commented, catching up to him.

"I know," James said with a sigh. "That's why I love her so much."

The two continued their way down to the hospital wing, but were soon stopped on the third floor. There was a group of first years that Sirius just HAD to scare the shit out of.

"LOOK OUT!" He yelled at them, and clambered down the stairs, holding his face in his hands. "I've got the deadly and lethal Chickenitus! COUGH, HACK, WHEEZE!"

The group stared at him, horrified. Sirius walked right up to them and removed his hands.

"It's very contagious! Please, HELP ME!" as he said this, he proceeded to touch every single one of them on the face. All of the midgets ran for their lives, leaving Sirius and James to laugh hysterical at the underclassmen's pain.

When the two returned with Sirius's face back to its beautiful self, they settled in on the couches. Lily was still reading her book.

"I'm LONELY!" James began to sing. "I'm oh so LONELY! I have NOBODY to call my own!"

Lily launched her book straight at his head, causing a slight gash in his forehead. James fell off the side of the couch, landing on his stomach. He didn't move.

"What book was that?" Sirius asked, after laughing at his friend.

"It's not A Very Hungry Caterpillar, Sirius," Lily said, reaching down and picking her book back up. James still hadn't moved. "There are no pictures in this one."

"Hmmm..." he said to himself. "Caterpillar...am I forgetting something? Oh, I know! I was supposed to buy a new box of condoms today!"

"How does a caterpillar remind you of THAT?!" Lily asked, disgusted. James was still motionless on the floor.

"Hmmm...maybe it wasn't that..." Sirius said thoughtfully.

"I want a taco," James said suddenly, getting up off of the floor as if nothing had happened. The light bulb lit up inside of Sirius's head.

"JR!" he bellowed, and he raced up the stairs back up to check on the caterpillar.

"SooOOoooOOoooOOoo..." James began, strolling to where Lily had continued reading her book. "We're ALONE."

"Look again, Potter," Lily said. "There are actually numerous students in the common room."

"Oh, sorry," James apologized, wrapping his arms around her. "Your beauty blocked out everyone else."

Lily once again torpedoed the book above her head and James dodged it.

"Ah ah ah!" James tsked. "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice-"

Lily grabbed another book and smacked him with it. Sirius and Peter walked down the stairs into the common room. Sirius had watery eyes and he was holding some black and red blob in his hand. Peter was walking silently behind him.

"What happened?" James asked as he rubbed his head.

"Well, I went up to the common room to check on Sirius Jr," Sirius began. "I had to cross over three bridges, two volcanoes, and swim through five maelstroms. I could hear my little baby calling out to me in the distance! 'Sirius! Sirius! Save me!' It was the only thing that kept me going! When I reached my baby in the tower, it was too late! HE had already slain Junior!" He burst out into tears, crying on Lily's shoulders.

"Um, Sirius? You only walked in on me squishing your caterpillar," Peter said nervously. "I thought it was a spider."

"I like my version better," Sirius snapped, glaring at Peter.

"You guys ruined my moment with Lily!" James complained. "I was putting, THE MOVES on her."

"Your moves got you hit in the head by my book," Lily said, bored. "I am going to bed. I've seen enough stupidity for today. Good night, boys."

"This close, you guys!" James yelled, holding his fingers an inch apart. "This close, to getting some!"

"Good night, James." They all said, and went up to their dormitories.


	2. Pelvic Thrusting Jubilee

James was bored

**Disclaimer: I do not own James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Snape or Lily. I may own some future characters of my own creation.**

James was bored. Lily was at the headboy/girl meeting, his friends were nowhere in sight, and he could not find anything to entertain himself. He decided to take a stroll down the corridors and see if there was anything interesting going on. When he reached the second floor, he did find something.

Sirius was in the hallway outside one of the classes and he was pelvic thrusting the air. Curious little James decided to ask his friend what on earth was he doing.

"Pads? What the HELL are you doing?" James demanded. Sirius continued to thrust the air.

"Well," he began, turning his head slightly towards James. "I heard from a few Gryffindors that pelvic thrusting would help you give birth."

James stared at him, dumbfounded.

"If that statement were true, Pads," James said, grinning. "I'm pretty sure it was meant for women. Because you know, men don't give birth."

"You know, I AM helping the woman have the baby," Sirius started. "So that means I COULD be helping her give birth!"

"It doesn't work like that," James informed him. "It only helps women."

"Well, we did have that sex change, Prongs!" Sirius pointed out. James couldn't help but laugh and shake his head.

Sirius began making a beatbox-noise to the beat of his pelvic thrust.

"Mmmsis!" he rang. "Mmmsis! Mmmsis, mmmsis, mmmsis!"

"PLEASE stop that!" James said through his laughter.

"No," he refused. "This is actually really good exercise. You should see the sweat sliding down my back! Come on, Prongs! Try it with me!"

"You DID say it was exercise," James said thoughtfully. "I guess I could do it for a little bit…"

"That's the spirit!" Sirius cheered. "Come on! Join in the pelvic thrusting jubilee!"

James looked around to see if anyone was around; which there wasn't. He sighed, stood next to Sirius, and began pelvic thrusting the air.

"JAMES POTTER!" a high-pitched, yet familiar, voice yelled from the hallway. Lily emerged into the corridor with a furious look on her face.

James immediately stopped what he was doing and ran to her.

"Lily!" he cried out as he wrapped in her in a big bear hug. "How good to see you! Would you like to join in our pelvic thrusting jubilee?"

"…" she stared at him for a second and James could see her cheeks growing red. "I, um, I mean, no! James, what are you doing?"

"Exercising!" Sirius answered for him. He waved happily at the two.

Lily removed herself from James and smacked him on the head.

"Ow!" he yelled. "What was that for?"

"For listening to him!" she answered, and pointed over at Sirius who waved back.

"It's just exercise!" James said quietly, looking bashfully down at the floor.

"To you, and him, it may be! But to others, like those girls down there," she began and pointed down the hall where a couple of girls were giggling. "It's something completely different!"

"Like what?" James asked skeptically. Lily's eyes narrowed. The little light bulb went off in his head.

"Oh!" he said slowly in realization. "You mean, baum chicka wai wai?"

"Yes, if you'd like to put it that way," Lily said disgusted, rolling her eyes. "Is this what you've been doing instead of the headboy/girl meeting?"

"No…" James mumbled, looking down again.

"Well, you better show up for NEXT week's meeting," Lily warned him, crossing her arms. "Or next time they might kick you out."

"Me?" he asked, disgusted. "Why would they kick ME out? McGonagle loves me!"

"Just watch it, Potter," she growled.

"You know, I don't even know why they made me headboy," James wondered aloud, scratching his chin. "I'm surprised it wasn't Moony."

"James," Lily began seriously. "Look at you. You're smart (when you want to be), popular, good-looking-"

"Good-looking, eh?" James asked smugly, folding his arms. Lily rolled her eyes.

"And people listen to you," she finished, controlling her temper.

"It's not like people don't listen to Moo-oh wait, never mind, you're right," James admitted, smiling admiringly at the fiery red-head.

"What're you looking at, Potter?" Lily demanded, her cheeks growing red again.

"Just admiring how smart you are!" James told her lovingly.

"Go shove your head in a toilet," she mumbled.

"Anything for you, my love!"

"Oi, Jamsie," Sirius yelled. James and Lily had forgotten all about him. "You two done squabbling yet?"

"Do you even know what squabbling means?" Lily asked him pointedly.

Sirius didn't reply.

"Your stupidity astounds me," Lily continued.

Sirius said nothing, but just looked at her.

"You don't even know what astounds means, do you?"

"Sure I do!" Sirius yelled, shaking his fist in the air. He was still pelvic thrusting. "It means your….ass weighs a ton!"

"Not asston, you moron!" Lily moaned, rubbing her temples. James grinned. "I've lost enough brain cells for one day. James, be sure to show up next week. Or else!"

She stormed away down the corridor without a backwards glance.

"…bitch…" Sirius mumbled. James responded by punching Sirius in the nose.

"Ow! James!" Sirius moaned as he climbed down the steps. He was hunched over and he was walking very cautiously. "I think I pulled a pelvic muscle!"

He plopped down onto the couch next to his friend and continued to moan and complain.

"I told you, you should've stopped when I did!" James sang, kicking Sirius onto the floor. He moaned again even louder.

Sirius stood up and put his butt right up to James's face.

"What're you doing?" James asked, a little scared.

"Kiss it," Sirius commanded. "Kiss it and make it better."

"No!" James yelled pushing his friends butt away. "Get your butt out of my face!"

"No, you get your face out of my butt," Sirius replied, bringing his butt even closer to his friend's face.

James brought his foot up and kicked it extremely hard. Sirius shrieked and collapsed onto the floor.

"My ass!" he cried out, his voice mumbled due to the fact that his face was in the carpet. "My sexy little ass! I KNEW you were always jealous of my ass!"

"Nobody cares about your ass, Sirius," Moony said emotionlessly as he climbed in through the portrait hole with Peter in tow.

"What about Sirius's a- I mean, butt?" Peter asked curiously, sitting down in Sirius's previous spot.

"Nothing," James answered, grinning. "Why won't you say the word, ass, Wormtail?"

Peter looked down.

"It's a swear word and I'm not allowed to swear," he mumbled. James grinned again, this time with an evil look in his eyes.

"Hey Wormy," James began. "Want to play a rhyming game?"

"Sure!" Peter answered brightly. "What's the word?"

"Duck."

"Ok, Cluck? Buck? Luck?" Wormtail began listing off words that rhymed with duck. "Muck? Huck? How about Fuck?"

James laughed as Peter clamped his hands over his mouth.

"Oh god!" Peter yelled, rolling onto the floor. "I said the f-word! The F-WORD!"

Even Sirius had gotten up to laugh. Moony grinned a bit.

"Leave Peter alone," Moony commanded, regaining his composure. "Peter, ignore them."

"THE F-WORD!" Peter continued to shriek.

"Oh, come off it Pete!" Sirius told him. "It's just a swear word."

"It wasn't just a swear word!" Peter cried out. "It was the F-WORD!"

"Yeah, we got that bit," James chuckled.

"It's ok, Peter," Remus began to soothe. "We won't tell anyone."

"IT'LL BE ON MY CONSCIENCE FOR FOREVER!"

"You'll get used to it," Sirius informed him.

"Sirius, you have no conscience," Moony said.

"No, of course I do!" Sirius retorted. "It's that little hangy-ball thing in the back of your throat."

"No, that's your uvula," Moony corrected, rubbing his temples.

"Close enough," Padfoot replied, shrugging his shoulders. "So I was thinking, maybe we could pull another prank on Snivellus."

"I'm always up for destroying Snivellus's self-esteem," James hollered, clapping his hands together. "What's it today?"

"Not today, but tomorrow," Sirius began. "We're all going to wake up at four thirty in the morning, sneak down to the dungeons, and then set a trap that'll dump water balloons on them when they wake up."

"That's it?" Moony said. "Normally, I'm against this sort of thing, but that is disappointing."

"I wasn't finished," Sirius snapped. "The water balloons are not going to have just water in them, but also baby grindylows!"

"Where're going to find baby grindylows?" Peter asked curiously, trying to think of a way they could find some."

"I'm sure the lake has them SOMEWHERE," Sirius said, throwing his arms up in the air. "Who's up for it?"

Peter and James raised his hands. Sirius jumped up in the air triumphantly.

"Let's get a good night's sleep so we can wake up on time for the prank, ok?" Sirius asked them all. They shook their heads. "Good. Good night then!"

He skipped up the stairs happily. Moony looked at the two other's smiling faces.

"You're not getting up that early, are you?"

"Nope." said James.

"Nuh uh." said Peter.

"That's what I thought."

Author's Note: Well, I hope you enjoyed this lovely chapter of the awesome marauders. thank you so much to the people (cough, cough, person, cough) that left a review for the previous chapter. I hope lots of more people review or else….NO NEW CHAPTERS. EVER. that is all.


	3. Notepassing

**Disclaimer: I do not own James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Snape or Lily. I may own some future characters of my own creation.**

**Notepassing**

Key: James Lilly **Sirius **_Remus __**Peter **__Random Character_ _**Another Random Character**_

I can't BELIEVE McGonagle gave us detention…again.

_What part of that can't you believe?_

McGonagle gave us detention.

_Yes, I know that but why can't you believe it?_

I don't think me and Padfoot did anything wrong.

_*Sigh*_

Moony, I already heard your sigh. You don't need to write it down.

_It's to be dramatic. Anyways, James, _

IT'S PRONGS!!

_Don't snatch away the paper while I'm writing on it! And what does it matter? They're both you._

I don't want any secret wizard organization to discover that I wrote this! That's the whole reason why we came up with the Marauder's nicknames! Jeez, Moony.

_Oh, my bad. I thought the reason was because you and Sirius wanted secret codenames because you thought it would be fun._

PADFOOT!

**You rang?**

_Sirius, how did you know we were writing about you?_

**I have a sixth sense. MIND READING. Trelawny says I have THE GIFT.**

OR there's the fact that he's sitting right next to me, reading over my shoulder.

**Thanks for crushing my dreams of becoming a psychic, James.**

_You're not a psychic. You never were a psychic, and never will be one._

**OH, you TOO, eh, Moony? HUH! Maybe YOU'RE the evil secret wizard organization that James was going on about!!**

Huh! And I trusted you!

_Why are you egging him on, James?_

PRONGS!

**I like eggs.**

Oh, me, too! Let's go on a picnic by the lake and have a feast of eggs! All kinds of eggs!

**And toast. Toast is good. **

_Can we get back onto the whole reason of this note, please?_

Can you remind me of what that is? I sort of forgot.

_You were mad that McGonagle gave you detention._

**Yeah! And we did nothing! The old bag is a raging lunatic! **

_You two DID pretend to put on a fashion show in the Great Hall, using the tables as a catwalk._

**It was a free show!**

_Yes, but the only thing you wore were tight, pink, see-through boxers. _

They happen to be very fashionable in London. I thought the teachers here would appreciate my interest in English culture.

_It's not "English culture" when everyone can see your what-nots. _

Why are you talking about James' and Sirius' what-nots, Remus?

Don't act like you've never seen them, Lilly!

Don't be an idiot.

_Lilly, how did you get a hold of this note? I clearly passed it to James. _

It's kind of hard to not notice a paper ball being thrown at you from across the room. 

**What the heck, James? Why'd you throw it to her?**

I was trying to get her attention. And it worked! Now, Lilly, the light of my life, the red-headed apple of my eye, will meet me in the prefect's bathroom tonight at 8:00? No need to bring a swimsuit.

************

**I can't believe Lilly set our note on fire. Now we've got to start a new one!**

_James just asked Lilly to go skinny dipping with him. _

I didn't use the actual words, 'skinny dipping.'

_You might as well have._

Yuck. Look at old Snivellus over there, cuddling up to MY girlfriend.

_She's not your girlfriend, James. I'm sure she would rather face a horntail dragon than be your girlfriend. _

Ouch Moony, that was harsh.

**Don't you have ANY feelings, you cold-hearted thing, you?**

_I'm only speaking the truth. Hey, James, you didn't correct me when I called you James. _

I've decided that it would be pretty cool if the secret wizard organization found out it was me writing these notes. It makes me feel…DANGEROUS.

_A house elf is more dangerous than you are. _

**Again with the belittling verbal abuse, Moonsy. **

That's it, Snivellus is going DOWN! He just tried to hold her hand!

_I'm pretty sure he was reaching over her hand to grab some potion ingredient, Mr. Observant. _

HUH! I get ANOTHER codename! Mr. Observant. I like that!

_Wow. Anything can distract you, James. _

What did you just distract me from? Oh, right SNIVELLUS!

_What do you want, Potter?_

Stay away from my girlfriend!

_He'll never learn, will he?_

_She's not your girlfriend. She'd rather have me than you. You know, brains over Braun?_

That's why she's choosing me. I'm WAY smrter than you are!

_You just spelled smarter wrong. _

Don't make fun of my spelling!

_Fine. I'll make fun of some other defect that you have. Like your hair. Did you just get out of bed? I'm sure Lilly likes well groomed men like me over a untamed beast like YOU. _

Did you just call yourself a man? If you went to the fashion show, you would know that NOBODY has bigger balls than me!

_What does that have to do with being a man?_

You must live a very sheltered life.

**I'm TIRED of being out of the conversation! Put me back in!**

_You just put yourself in, moron. _

**Hooray! Hoozah! Victory is mine!**

_What are you raving on about?_

**Stay out of this, big nose! **

_My nose is not big!_

Have you seen the size of that thing? It makes Pinocchio look normal.

_Stop making fun of my nose!_

**Aww, did we make ickle Snivellus cry?**

_I'm not crying. The fumes from the potion are getting to me. _

**Right, and my name is Severus Snape. **

_If that was your name, you'd be smart and good looking and have a normal sized nose. _

Hah! You just described me, stupid Slytherin.

_Why am I even bothering to respond to your stupid little notes?_

I don't know, but you can leave at any time.

_Well then stop passing this stupid note to me!_

Stop responding!

********

**Note number three. People need to stop burning our notes. **

_How about we just stop and actually pay attention to Slughorn today?_

**Why?**

_Because maybe then you won't fail your N.E.W.T.S._

**I could pass those with one eye closed. **

…

**RESPOND, DAMN IT! **

…

**Jamsie?**

…

**Fine. I'll end this note MYSELF. **


	4. The Wizard Gmae of Life

**DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I do not own any of the marauders. They were all made up by J.K. Rowling, the amazing author of the Harry Potter series. Everything else was made up by me. Wait, the game of Life isn't mine either. That's from like, Hasbro or something like that. **

Remus came walking down the dormitory stairs down to the common room one late autumn evening and immediately wished he hadn't, for he found that his three 'besties,' as Sirius liked to refer to the marauders as, were down there was well, gathered in a corner with secretive looks in their eyes. He was about to turn around and ascend back up the stairs when James caught his eye.

"Oi, Moony!" he called out, eyes aglow with boyish excitement. He waved his hand in the air, which was stuffed to the brim with different colored papers. "Want to play a game?"

Remus cringed. The last time he was asked the question and agreed to it, he soon discovered that it was a game of wizard strip poker. He never really understood why it was called 'wizard' strip poker, when the only thing magical about the game was the fact that you removed your clothes with a levitation spell. Sirius was always the first to lose at the game. Remus figured that the action was intentional.

"Actually, I was just going to reacquire my book, you know, _Potion Concoctions of the Mediterranean_, and then I was going to return to my bed...where it's safe..." he said the last part so that it was inaudible to the three boys.

"Aw come on, Moonsie!" Sirius complained rolling over so that he could get a better look at one of his best friends. "It's a game all about life! Wormtail here got it from his grandmum for his birthday."

"But I thought your birthday was in the spring?" Remus asked curiously, thinking back in his brain.

"It is," Peter answered bashfully. "But Sirius wrote her a letter demanding why she forgot my birthday, and she sent me this. Actually, she sent it to my mum and dad. They sent it to me. She's a muggle living in America, you know."

"You honestly let Sirius do that to your poor grandmother?" Remus asked incredulously, a horrified expression on his face.

"No," Peter responded, if it was even possible, even more timidly. "He sort of did it without my knowledge. Mum's going to throw a fit."

"Moving on," James said, decidedly bored with where the conversation had turned. "The game's called Life. But I took it and changed it to Wizard Life! You see, each person gets a little different colored muggle car, and you decide if you want to go to muggle college or get a muggle career, and then you get married and buy a muggle house and so many things happen to you! Like Peter just lost a turn because he was cramming for his muggle finals!"

Remus remained starring at him with a mix of skepticism and worry. James had said that all in one breath, and was now breathing heavily.

"So what exactly is it about that game that makes it, 'Wizard Life?'" Remus asked, folding his arms and raising an eyebrow.

"James enchanted the little cars to move however you many spaces you get when it's your turn," Sirius answered, playing with a yellow car, bored. "All except Peter's. He enchanted it to attack him on his turns."

Remus soon discovered little bruises on Peter's forehead and arms. Poor, poor Peter.

"Maybe for a little bit..." Remus wondered aloud, seriously considering what the negatives of playing a game would be. It didn't sound anything like wizard strip poker...and I'm sure there would be no removal of clothes involved. "Why not? I have been doing a lot of studying lately. A quick game could not hurt."

"That's the spirit Moony!" James rang out exuberantly. "Here, you can be the blue car!"

"What about the green car?" Remus asked, gazing at the green car that was thrown into the fire.

"It's a Slytherin color," Sirius snarled, sending death glares at the little piece of plastic that was turning the flame green. "Be blue. It's Ravenclaw, and you're smart. I suppose you'll want to go to college first, too."

"You supposed correctly," Remus answered, evidently impressed at the assumption. "Are those, er, little blue and pink pegs supposed to be people?"

"Yep," James answered, shoving one of the blue pegs into the blue car. "Blue for boy, and pink for girl. It's your turn, Moonsie. Spin! Spin!"

Remus reached across the board and twirled the little spinney thing with numbers on it and received a one.

"One!" Sirius exclaimed, the blue car moving one space. "Hey, look! A scholarship! Peter, ten thousand dollars to my good man Moony here."

Remus was handed one single orange colored piece of paper. He looked at it curiously.

"Do we start out with no money at all?" he asked, looking in the colorful box for directions. He found them and began reading them out loud. "Ahem, For 2 to 6 Players - OBJECT: Collect money and LIFE Tiles, and have the highest dollar amount at the end of the game.  
Attach the game parts to the game board as shown on the Assembly Sheet."

He immediately began a search for the assembly sheet, and when he found it, he took a quick speculative look around the board for any errors. He found one.

"This mountain is not put in all the way," he said and quickly reached across the board to insert it in properly, but was quickly stopped.

"Don't touch it!" Sirius cried out, swatting his friend's hand away. "It's the herpes mountain!"

"What?" Remus said incredulously, looking at the directions for any indication of herpes mountain, but found none. "The directions here do not say anything about herpes mountain.

"That's because I made it up," James said matter-of-factly, spinning the spinner. He landed on a five. "Ah ha! Win an art contest! Collect a LIFE tile!"

James reached across the board and grabbed one of the little tiles labeled, LIFE, and put it by his money.

"Wait, why does James have money?" Remus interrupted. "I have none!"

"It's because he already has a job," Peter answered, taking his turn and spinning. He got a six, and his white car moved six spaces. "And every time you pass one of the green spaces labeled "Pay Day," you get paid your salary from the bank. Yes! I get a house!"

"But what's his salary? Does each player decide it?" Remus said frantically, flipping through the directions.

"You randomly pick a card for your house, career, and salary," Sirius explained in an annoyed tone, holding out a bunch of yellow cards labeled, "HOUSE."

Peter picked out three, the Colonial, the Beach House, and the Split-Level. Peter whimpered as he looked at his pathetic little pile of money, only about one hundred thousand dollars.

"I, sigh, I guess I can only afford to buy the split level," he said pathetically, grabbing it and paying Sirius for it. "Sirius is the banker."

Remus closed his mouth and was utterly surprised at how Peter knew exactly what he was about to ask. He supposed that he did seem a bit predictable.

"My turn!" Sirius squealed, spinning and getting an eight. "Woo hoo! I get to get married!"

He pulled out a small box filled with the little blue and pink people. He shoved a third pink peg into his yellow car.

"Why does Sirius have three pink pegs in his car?" Remus asked slowly, afraid to know the answer.

"The one he just got is his wife," James explained, returning the neglected box of people. "The other two are his hoes."

"I'm afraid to know his job," Remus muttered, rubbing his temples.

"I'm a male prostitute!" Sirius exclaimed, making Remus's eyes bulge.

"Is there a male prostitute career choice?" Remus inquired disbelievingly, searching through the instructions once again. "Sirius, there is no such thing-"

He stopped once he grabbed Sirius's "career card," which was a picture of a stickman drawn on a piece of parchment, taped over a career card. The stickman was charmed to move, so that the stickman was surrounded by women, chasing him down a street.

"What are the, er, rest of your jobs?" Remus asked with a look of pain on his face.

"Hobo," Peter yelled out, raising his hand.

"Auror pimp," James said with a grin.

"Why did I even bother asking?" Remus asked no one in particular. "Curiosity did indeed kill the cat."

"We've already got a career planned out for you, Moony!" Sirius said, smiling.

Remus closed his eyes, bit his lip, and breathed in and out, in and out, in an attempt to control himself. He finally took his turn and received a ten, finally landing on his career.

"Of course," he moaned, reaching out for the card that Sirius was eagerly handing to him.

He slowly flipped it over and was quite surprised. Headmaster of Hogwarts. He even felt a little touched, and thankful that it wasn't something like, Sirius's hoe.

"We were going to make it Sirius's hoe," James said with a sigh, causing Remus to look at him in amazement. "But we were afraid that you would leave. So I came up with headmaster, because we all know how you are a good teacher and how you like rules."

Remus almost felt a tear in his eye.

Two hours later

"Unhhh," Peter complained, handing money to Sirius, who received it with a large grin on his face. "My life sucks."

"It really does, Pete," James chuckled. "Your house has been robbed. Your house has flooded. Your house was hit by a tornado, AND you caught Mushu Flu!"

"Not to mention he lost two turns," Sirius added, taking his turn. "Yes! Trip to Mount Rushmore! Ah damn! It's on herpes mountain! Aw, give me the fricken herpes infested LIFE tile."

"Um," Peter hesitated. "We're kind of out of life tiles. What do we do?"

"The instructions say that if you run out of life tiles, you're supposed to take one from an opponent," Remus instructed, nose inside the piece of paper.

"I've got a better idea," James said mischievously. "Whoever lands on one of those spaces gets a BABY."

"Yeah! That works out great for me," Sirius began sarcastically. "I get a baby on my trip go Mount Rushmore, on herpes mountain. Now my son is going to have herpes, too!"

"So you want a boy, mate?" James asked, ignoring his statement and putting one of the blue colored pegs inside the yellow car. "Damn, we're out of boys. Now what do we do?"

"Sorry," Peter muttered. "I kept landing on all of the baby tiles."

He looked down pathetically at his small pile of blue and pink pegs that resided in front of him. He ran out of room in his little white car.

"Hey, my grandmum also sent me a game called Clue!" he yelled. "Maybe they have some sort of male pieces in there."

He pulled out the other box and began searching through it.

"Ok, the instructions say," Peter began. "That blue is Ms. Peacock. That's a girl. Green is Mr. Green. White is Ms. White. Purple is Professor Plum, a man. Red is Ms. Scarlet, and yellow is Colonel Mustard. I guess we can use the purple, green, and yellow playing pieces."

"SLYTHERIN!" Sirius screamed, grabbing the green piece and chucking it in the fire along with the green car.

"Ok," Peter continued, biting his bottom lip. "I guess we can only use yellow and purple."

"Dibs on yellow!" Sirius said, returning to his seat and forgetting all about the melting piece of plastic.

"Remus, could you do me a favor?" Peter asked, looking at his friend. "When it's my turn, could you go for me? I _really_ need to go use the lavatory."

"Sure Peter," Remus answered with a smile. "I'd be glad to."

"Hey, why didn't you ask one of us?" Sirius complained, utterly dumbstruck. "We're your friends too."

"Obviously he is afraid that you will either steal his money or do something obscenely with his playing pieces," Remus answered for him, spinning for his turn.

"Finally, I've retired!" he exclaimed, relieved. "But, which place do I go?"

"Go to Millionaire Estates," James suggested. "It looks de-luxe!"

"The rules say that, you go there if you-" Remus began, but was cut off by Sirius.

"Ah, to _hell_ with the rules!" Sirius exclaimed, grabbing the rules and also tossing it into the fire. "Every time we don't know what to do, you pull out the bloody rules!"

"That is the whole _purpose_ of rules," Remus elucidated, glaring at Sirius.

Remus sighed and spun for the missing Marauder...and won the lottery. At that moment, Peter had just rejoined the group and was asking what he missed.

"You won the lottery, Wormy!" Sirius said through his laughter. "I guess the game really DOES hate you!"

Even Remus had to chuckle.

1 Hour Later

"Yes! I've retired!" Peter said, almost as relieved as he felt when he had finally went to the bathroom. "I'm going to go to Countryside Acres."

"Boring!" Sirius snorted, placing the white car in Millionaire Estates. "Hey, how do we find out who won?"

"Well, I would have looked at the RULES," Remus began, glaring at Sirius once again. "But _someone_ decided to toss them in the fire along with the so-called "Slytherin" pieces."

Sirius immaturely stuck his tongue out at the smart marauder.

"Let's just count up our money to see who is the richest," James suggested, pulling out his money and counting the bills. "And I suppose now we can add in those LIFE tiles."

"Um, Moonsie? Bestie?" Sirius said pitifully. You could almost see the tail in between his legs. "Could you, um, count my money...for...me...?"

Remus sighed and starred down at the little pitiable look he had on his face and couldn't resist.

"Fine," Remus agreed, holding his hand out, which an eager Sirius shoved a whole bunch of crumbled and squished pieces of paper in his hands. "Do you not take care of _anything_?"

"Somethings, yeah," Sirius answered guiltily. "But this didn't seem very important."

"So I'm guessing Sirius Jr. wasn't very important, either," Remus muttered, hoping that his friend did not hear him. He didn't.

Remus smiled to himself. He was good at mumbling under his breath so that no one could hear him. It's the second incident in a row.

20 Minutes Later

"Alright," James began, holding up a piece of paper with the placements on it. "In fourth place, we have the one with the absolutely suckish life, is the hobo Peter Pettigrew, with one hundred and fifty thousand dollars."

Sirius clapped in respect.

"In third place," James continued. "Is the male prostitute, Sirius Black, with two hundred and seventy five thousand dollars."

"My hoes kept stealing my money," Sirius muttered under his breath, and Remus gave him a look that said, "What the hell?"

"In second place," persistent little James went on. "Is Hogwart's very own headmaster: Remus Lupin! With four hundred thousand, six hundred and ninety five dollars."

Remus bowed his head as the others clapped for him.

"And in first place," James began smugly. "Is the very awesome, sexy, attractive, manly, man, who is married to Lily Evans, has six kids, one named James Jr., one named Harry, one named Lily Jr., one named-"

"Yes, yes, would you just say how much money you made already? We all know you won," Remus complained, rolling his eyes. James sniffed at him.

"Fine, in first place is," he stopped for a dramatic pause. "The auror pimp James Potter with five hundred thousand, six hundred and forty five dollars! Woo! And the crowd goes wild!"

James pretended to make an ear-splitting roar resound around the room. He took out his wand and pointed it at his throat.

"Sonorous!" he yelled out loudly, and everyone could hear the roar.

The three marauders on the ground covered their ears.

"James!" Remus tried yelling. "You're waking up the whole castle! Cut it out! Do you want detention with McGonagle again?"

James immediately removed the wand from his throat and charged up the stairs, and the other three followed him. The boys in the room were all stirring, but no one seemed to know that they were gone. The marauders all laid down back in their beds and waited for everyone to go back to sleep, for it was only 3 o'clock in the morning.

As everyone was settling back into sleep, Sirius whispered, "What's Mount Rushmore?"

"I'll tell you in the morning, Sirius," Remus moaned, just realizing how tired he was.

"But I wanna know NOW!" Sirius yelled, and began setting off a lot of racket.

"Muffliato!" Remus yelled, pointing his wand at his friend, and the room grew silent.

If the room wasn't charmed to be silent, you could hear all of the Gryffindor's sighs of peace.

______________________________________________________________________________

A/N: Yeah, yeah, I know it's been awhile. But I came up with this idea because I was at my friend's sister's graduation party and we were playing life. When I came home, I imagined the marauder's playing it, and then BAM! New chapter!

So most of this is actually true events. I was, unfortunately, Peter. My life sucked, and everyone agreed. Remus was my friend Miranda, because she always had the rules out in her hand, ready to solve any problems. Sirius was my friend Matt, because of the whole herpes mountain thing. No one was really James. Cuz during my game, we had two couples. Ashley and Kev, because they were dating, and then Miranda and Britt, because we were out of cars. We made them the rainbow car. 

I hope you liked it! Please be sure to leave a review! Reviews = love!


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